A good friend of mine recently came to me for advice about a friendship, that had gone into a difficult path. He was having problems with expectations and actions not being on the same level, which was resulting in both parties being unhappy and frustrated. One for trying to make the other one happy, but not succeeding, because it wasn't the action(s) the other person was expecting, thus making the other person unhappy at the same. Without knowing any details, I saw myself in that same situation in the past. Being frustrated and not finding a solution that pleases both parties. My advice was to consider the value of the friendship. Is the person worth the effort you are giving them? What are you getting out of the friendship or are you just giving? Is the person worth fighting for or is it just an endless power struggle? I think a friendship at its best is the ability to be honest towards one another. Constructive critisism however is not an easy thing - neither on the giving nor the receiving side of it. It is a fine art. Hurting someone on purpose is completely unneccessary, there should be a way to give feedback in a positive way. Of course this is not simple - especially when emotions are involved.
The older I get, the pickier I become about relationships. By this I don't mean just romantic relationships, but any relationships - friends, aqcuaintances, even family. Don't get me wrong, I still love meeting new people and I am always open for letting new people into my life. The part where it gets hard, is with deciding when to let go of someone. This might sound arrogant, but I don't have time to take care of relationships, that only or mostly have a negative impact on my life. They drain me of my energy. I need people who create positivity, because I am a person who is easily emotionally affected by other people. If I have people around who complain a lot, I start doing the same thing, and that's not the kind of person I want to be. I need people who see the good things in life and try to improve things, if they really have a problem. That said, I also want to stress that I don't take letting people go lightly. Leaving a friendship behind is always a thoroughly considered decision. But sometimes the best thing you can do for a friendship, is to let go of it - if it's a strong one, you'll find your way back to each other sooner or later. Actively deciding to fight for a friendship and creating new ways of communication may however solve things, even after taking a break from each other and getting some perspective on things. It doesn't have to be just one or the other. Life is never black and white but all kinds shades and colours.
 |
| Letting someone go can be painful, but sometimes it's necessary. |
