Saturday, March 31, 2012

Welcome Back at Last

I love this time of the year. The sun keeps shining and the snow is melting. Yes, at these latitudes we still have snow at this time. The shops keep filling up with colorful clothes, the city decorates the centre with daffodils and the bars can't wait to open up their beer gardens again for the summer. The air is full of anticipation. People start waking up from their hibernation, open their eyes and start looking around. Wow, when did this happen? Summer is on its way!

For me every spring holds a new awakening. I live in phases according to the season. In the fall and winter I tend to wear dark clothes and the further towards the summer we go, I start choosing brighter colours. I can't wait for it to get warmer, so that I can wear whatever new, colorful shoes, top, dress or skirt I've found in the new spring collection of my favourite shops. At some point I get the urge to grow my very own garden, with herbs, tomatoes and flowers. I get some seeds and soil and feel joyful everytime I see that something new has started growing. The greatest prize is to get to eat your own tomatoes and make mojitos out of your own mint. Another thing I look forward is when my favourite café opens up its courtyard patio. It is fantastic to sit there with a blanket, a cup of tea and a book on a beautiful, sunny spring day. It gets really warm because it is in the courtyard, so the wind doesn't bother you.

But the best thing about moving towards summer is watching nature come back to life. Seeing the brave stalks of grass pushing through the cold ground and the little leaf buds crawling out of their warm nests just makes you want to jump of joy! What I especially miss about living on the countryside are the spring streams that babble through the trenches. In the countryside it is impossible to miss the arrival of summer. It is so loud, like it wants to yell out: look at me, I'm here again!

The downside are the allergies. A running nose and itchy, swollen eyes make it slightly hard to enjoy the awaking nature, the singing birds and the warm sunshine. But if that's the prize I have to pay for it, I gladly (well, at least willingly) take it.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

The Art of Forgiveness

When I was little I was always the third wheel. I was always the one you would call if the other friend didn't have time to hang out. It happened over and over for most of my childhood and youth. With several groups of friends. I'm not angry about it, at least not anymore. Actually I think they did me a favour. I'm positive that this is one of the reasons to why I've become so independent and successful in my life. Well, at least independent. Extremely independent...

The other day I came to think about this from another angle though. Even though I came home crying so many nights, I was always good to go again the next time they called to see if I wanted to hang out. Rather forgive than jeopardize the friendship by questioning their actions. Isn't that weird? The need to be accepted and to feel part of the group is a basic human need though. But how many times are you supposed to forgive and forget?

How many times are you supposed to let your heart be ripped out? What is the limit of letting yourself get hurt? Because isn't it you yourself who allow them treat you like that? When you let them off the hook, they lose the respect they have for you and think they can treat you just as they like.

But I like forgiving. I like to believe in the good in people. That there is always a valid explanation. What if there isn't one?

What is the limit of forgiveness?

Monday, March 26, 2012

The Grand Gesture and the Cynic

"Love is a many splendored thing, love lifts you up where you belong, all you need is love!"

This weekend I've been thinking a lot about love and discussing it with a good friend. I am a sucker for romantic movies and grand gestures. Sometimes I wish my life was like a movie, and that someone would sweep me off my feet. At the same time I am somewhat of a cynic. I find grand gestures klischés and feel uncomfortable when a man gets too romantic. Why is that? I've been thinking a lot about this, and I've come to the conclusion, that it's just because it hasn't been the right guy performing the romantic gestures. I know this sounds arrogant, but the fact is that nobody is good enough for me. My standards are way to high, and I know it. I am also aware of the fact that Prince Charming doesn't exist, but I can't help myself. Even if I try to reason with myself, I always end up following my heart. And that's when everything goes wrong.

I was watching this american tv-show and it involved an interesting conversation:

" - You're picking the wrong guy. [--]
- Listen, you're afraid of people not wanting you, afraid of people leving you, so you pick people, who it'll never work with, so that that's the outcome. They walk away, that's the cycle. You play out the thing that you don't want to happen, just to prove yourself right."

This got me thinking. Maybe this really is what I'm doing. Maybe I keep picking the wrong guy on purpose. And I keep getting myself hurt. Maybe the guys who keep hurting me have made me the cynic I am, but then again, if I am unconsciously picking the wrong guy, then ultimately I can blame myself, right?

The problem is I have no idea how to break the circle. How am I supposed to stop picking the wrong guys. And how do I know when the guy is right? Is it when the grand gesture feels just right, and not uncomfortable at all? Because there HAS to be a grand gesture.

And I still love the romantic movies...

Tuesday, March 13, 2012


These last few days I have been thinking a lot about honesty. Why do people lie? Well, usually it is either to protect themselves or others. Some justify their lies by saying that they didn't want to hurt the other one's feelings. But lies have a way of coming out. Usually one lie leads to another and they have a tendancy to create a mess that is hard to get out of without everyone getting hurt anyway. When you lie to someone, you don't really respect that person enough to believe that they are strong enough to understand the truth. But those people you try to "protect" may be a lot stronger than you give them credit for.

Then what about insted of lying, you just don't tell the other person something you know. Is that lying as well? I think it is. That really shows the lack of respect you have for that person. Even though you may think, that it's easier for that person that they don't know something, isn't it their privileague to have the information and then do what they want with it? Especially if the silence only is kept to protect yourself.

But this is a difficult subject. What if you know something about someone, but it really isn't your place to tell? What is the right solution? What is the moral thing to do?

I am not saying, that I've never lied in my life. Because I have. I have also been lied to. And I have been kept in the dark. It's not a great feeling. It hurts. A lot. Especially if it is done by a person you trust. Or at least you think you could trust.

But then there is a situation that's even worse. You know that you're being kept in the dark, but you can't get an explanation for it. That's just completely gutless and cowardly.

Many times the truth is valued a lot, even though it might be painful at first.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

(Un)social media

These last few weeks I've been removing "friends" from Facebook. Not actively, but in between, when I see an update from someone I barely even know. It's not that I don't like those people, I just don't keep in touch with them. I don't mind people stalking my posts, I don't post anything personal anyway, but I'm just not interested in knowing about them. What's the use? I mean, when I never see them anyway nor talk to them. Why should I want to know about their life? Because I'm nosy? Well maybe I am, but not in that extent.

I never send any friend requests on FB. Well, very rarely at least. I also have a hidden profile, so nobody should be able to find me in the search. Still I keep getting friend requests from people I don't know, or barely know. Some are relatives or friends, that have seen me in other relatives' or friends' friend lists. Other are just random strangers. Or that's what I suppose at least. Why not send a message along with the request, if you have a reason to send a request to someone you don't know? Mostly I just deny the unknown requests.

Don't get me wrong, I mostly like Facebook. It's a great way to keep in touch with friends and family that lives far away. It is a fantastic way to send party requests and plan travels. It's a decent way to share your thoughts. What I don't like about it is that it screws up the physical relationships. Just this week one friend of mine posted a status update about how she hates that nowadays everything happens on facebook. Nobody visits, sends birthday cards, calls or meets live anymore. Are people really so busy that everything has to be instant? I got over 130 congratulations on FB on my birthday. That's great, but I wonder how many actually would've known it's my birthday, if FB wouldn't have told them. I wish I could just keep all the good parts about FB and remove everything I don't like about it. Maybe they could add a feature, that people could only communicate if they have a certain distance between them?

I have a wish: The next time you want to know what's up with me, just call or come and visit. Or send me a real card!

And next year, I will hide my birthday from FB and see how many actually remembers.

Blogging again

After a break of several months I decided to start blogging again. As I have an unorganized mind that never stays still, I thought starting up the blogging again might help me organize my thoughts, at least a little bit. I have a tendancy to think a bit too fast, I often find myself wondering how I got to thinking about something. Then when I trace the path back to the original thought, I often surprise myself with all the things in between.

I'm going to write about my thoughts about myself, my life and things that's happening around me, may it be the closest circle around me or the world.

Anyways, welcome inside my head. I hope my thoughts makes your mind think or at least makes you laugh at times. And please comment if you have any questions or thoughts!