Wednesday, March 28, 2012

The Art of Forgiveness

When I was little I was always the third wheel. I was always the one you would call if the other friend didn't have time to hang out. It happened over and over for most of my childhood and youth. With several groups of friends. I'm not angry about it, at least not anymore. Actually I think they did me a favour. I'm positive that this is one of the reasons to why I've become so independent and successful in my life. Well, at least independent. Extremely independent...

The other day I came to think about this from another angle though. Even though I came home crying so many nights, I was always good to go again the next time they called to see if I wanted to hang out. Rather forgive than jeopardize the friendship by questioning their actions. Isn't that weird? The need to be accepted and to feel part of the group is a basic human need though. But how many times are you supposed to forgive and forget?

How many times are you supposed to let your heart be ripped out? What is the limit of letting yourself get hurt? Because isn't it you yourself who allow them treat you like that? When you let them off the hook, they lose the respect they have for you and think they can treat you just as they like.

But I like forgiving. I like to believe in the good in people. That there is always a valid explanation. What if there isn't one?

What is the limit of forgiveness?

4 comments:

  1. Minusta tuntuu että mie olen vähän samanlainen. Ajattelen että olen ihmisille se viimenen vaihtoehto. Ja sitte olen että ei, ens kerralla sanon etten kerkeä, on muuta tekemistä, mutta silti kuitenkin aina ilahdun jos joku tahtoo hengailla.

    Mie en osaa olla pitkävihainen vaikka joskus toivoisin pystyväni siihen. Joskus sitä antaa anteeksi ehkä liian helposti. What do.. :/

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    1. Anni, pitkävihaisuus on mulle täysin vieras käsite. Se ei vain onnistu. Se tosin saattaa olla hyvä asia. Jos mie jotaki olen oppinut, niin sen että vihanpitäminen vain tuhoaa oman elämän. Anteeksianto on huomattavasti armollisempaa myös itseä kohtaan.

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  2. For me there is a certain limit. If someone retracts his/her promise it is really hard to trust that person again. I believe giving another chance but enough is enough. Trust is one of the most important thing in any relationship, and if there is none it won't work. I admit that sometimes I am being too strict about this and I should learn to forgive more easily, but maybe it is just because of some bad experience thats making me react this way.

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    1. I could basically repeat here the same answer as for the first comment. I think that it is masochistic to just keep letting someone treat you badly, but then again it is also more merciful to your own life to forgive and forget. Being angry at someone has a tendency to make you bitter, and I never want to live my life like that. Maybe the best way is somewhere in between?

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